When Songs Save Your Bleeding Heart And Damaged Mind

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It felt like any normal Tuesday afternoon for me. I drove my toddler to school, and I went through the usual driving routes. As I turned to a familiar street, the sign said – UNDER CONSTRUCTION. WE’RE SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

 

The street was open just this morning since I passed the road like four hours ago, and I think, there is nothing wrong with it. The city government is always looking for ways to “fix” roads so that funds could be released. I sighed and rolled my eyes as I entered the narrow path on the right. It was the only road that I could go in at that time.

It was fate. The construction was indeed a blessing in disguise. It was as if God led me to that path on that specific Tuesday afternoon. The whole situation was destined to happen. There was a condominium building on that street and what did I see? I saw my husband’s car parked right outside it.

Wasn’t he supposed to be at his workplace which was 200 miles away? He told me that he was not coming back until tomorrow, but why is his car here? I wondered. Could it be true? Is this what God wanted me to see? He’s been so different for a few months now, and I even asked him if something was up. My husband’s reply was – I’m not doing anything wrong. Defensive, much? Well, in my mind, let’s see now if you’re really not doing anything wrong.

I parked my car on a nearby lot and walked to the condominium. I asked the person-in-charge where the owner of the car is staying, and he pointed the room to me. Wow, that was easy. And so, I knocked on the door and what did I hear? A woman’s voice asking me – “Who’s that?”

A woman’s voice in my husband’s room… What was I to do? My knock became urgent, and I called out his name. “Michael, I know you’re in there. Can you open this door, please.” There was a commotion inside, and after a minute, he opened the door. Behind him was a woman, a young lady, maybe ten or twelve years younger than us. She was heavily pregnant.

I was speechless. My husband did something wrong. He betrayed my trust. He was unfaithful. He was having an affair. He even got her pregnant. All I could manage to say was – “So, it’s true.” His reply was golden – “Yes, it is. I want a divorce.”

With tears in my eyes, I left the condo.

For weeks, after that incident, I was depressed. The only companion I had during those tragic days was my playlist.

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Missing You by Diana Ross
Why Can’t It Be by Rannie Raymundo
This Way by Khalid and HER
I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt

These words struck me and helped me through it all.

Missing You by Diana Ross

Since you’ve been away
I’ve been down and lonely
Since you’ve been away
I’ve been thinking of you
Trying to understand
The reason you left me
What were you going through?

Was it my fault that you had to find another one to replace me?

Why Can’t It Be by Rannie Raymundo

Why can’t it be
Why can’t it be the two of us
Why can’t we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
Or was it me

This is too much and too confusing. Why oh why did this happen?

This Way by Khalid and HER

Yeah, all of these excuses
Say I’m the one that made you ruthless
But you’re the reason I’m crazy
And with you I feel useless
I let you have it
You took me for granted
Always wanna play the victim
When they don’t know the truth is
You left me this scar on my heart
When I’d never take it that far (oh)
Why would you say that it was true love
If true love is absolute, what more can I say?

I am so angry at you. Why did you have to put me through this pain and suffering when all I gave you was my love?

I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt

‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
‘Cause I can’t make you love me, if you don’t

If divorce it is, then, there’s nothing I can do. I will give it to you. And I will accept and move on.

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I played all these songs over and over again, and luckily, it helped me cope. It made me understand my situation and how I should step up. He never really loved me, and even if it is too hard to grasp, I had to program my mind with these songs. These songs saved me.